Heels for Happiness~

I have been doing a lot of soul searching these past couple days. Wondering if the path i am going on is the correct one. The decisions I have to make soon are the right ones. If the choices I make will lead to regret?....soul searching can surely wear a girl out...

I am sure many of you can relate.

About 10 years ago I graduated college. I graduated with a degree in Communications. I graduated Magna Cum Laude. I graduated. Now what?  I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life after college, but here I was with this degree, and I was suppose to be someone, I was suppose to do something great. I mean I did all that work, studied hours on end, and worked my butt off...I needed to make something of myself....

  At least that is what I thought. I acquired a temp job in which the money was good at the time. I moved out and found an apartment on my own. The first time I actually lived by myself, on my own, paying my own bills. I had made it....a few weeks later, I went and got two kittens because I realized living by yourself wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. It was lonley. I worked, I did what I thought I was suppose to be doing. I had the start of a career, I paid my bills on time, and I followed the rules somewhat of being an adult.

Here I am 10 years later, sitting behind a computer desk, typing away on the keyboard in front of me as little words that make sentences creep up on the computer screen. I sit in a big office chair. I wear fancy work clothes. I go into meetings. I am accountable to someone higher up on the ladder so to speak. I make a good living. I can take care of myself. I made it.

Or so many would say.

Or would they?

Because deep down in this heart of mine, those fancy heels, the big pay check, the business card with my name and title that sit in front of me, all those things, they don't define who I really am.

Who I want to be. 

Where I want to go.

If I were younger, and had the knowledge I have today, I certainly would have done things different in many areas of my life. Do I regret the choices I made, career wise? Absolutely not, because as much I don't particularly like sitting here, while the pool man makes my children breakfast and takes my oldest punk to school, i have learned a whole lot about life. About being a grown up. About what it takes to make it in a male driven occupation. This job has allowed me to buy a house, provide for my children, and make adult choices. This job made me grow up.

However, these days, I look in the mirror and I see a very tired girl, who wished she had followed the desires that filled her heart when she was younger. A girl, who grew up, and put those dreams on the back burner. These days, I second guess myself on so many levels, mostly because I want to be someone my children look up to, I want them to always remember their mommy being true to who she is. I want them to use me as an example to follow their dreams. I want them to have a Mommy who was there for them, who mended broken hearts and scratched backs on request.

These days, all I think about is being "real", being true to myself, and ditching my heels for happiness.

So what am I getting at here?

In a round about way, what I am trying to say is, if you are just out of college wondering what type of job you should obtain, or a momma being pulled in two directions between work and children, or your children are now grown and you feel like you need to redifine who you are, or you are an 18 year old girl trying to decide between becoming an accountant like your daddy or following your dreams to go to beauty school...if you are any of those, lingering amongst so many choices and can't decide what you want to be, where you feel your next step should be taken...my advice is:

Follow your heart.

Follow your passion.

Trust yourself.

 Take a chance.

Take a risk.

I know typing this is easy, actually doing it is the hard part...it is a HUGE leap of faith!

However...

If you fail at least you can say you TRIED.

And damn it, there is something in TYRING, even if you fail.

The saying, "If you like what you do, you will never work a day in your life" rings through my mind constantly....watching those words hit the computer screen in front of me, motivates me...gives me strength to move forward and be the example I want my children to see. To run, jump and leap into that faith...those words give me the courage to ditch my heels for happiness...!

& get my grimy little hands on something more like this...

Yeehaw!!

Happy Friday lovelies....

{photo from my pinterest board}

p.s. I found a new desk for my loft/office/studio/grandma quarters...anything else you want to call it!

Hoping to have some photos soon...my house is a crazy mess right now...! 

Dust bunnies beware, this momma has Sunday off...you will be mine! All mine.....

muwah ha ha ha ha 

 

Comments

[Michelle]

I know this is the right path for you! flip flops are much more comfortable anyhow! just a little longer!!

[rachel @ gilly grey]

I love this post and I love you for putting this post out there. I feel like you are speaking the very words that are inside of my heart. I am on a very similar path to you. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. The responsible adult that brings in a steady income for her family at a job that I dislike and the free spirit that knows exactly what I want to do with my days and exactly the example I want to set for my children to follow my dreams. I've got one foot in each world and I'm just waiting to really take the leap. Why do we have to NEED that paycheck? Our decisions would be so easy to make otherwise. We'll both make it there one day. And I feel like that day will come sooner rather than later!

All the best,
Rachel

[Rasonda]

I second Rachels comment!!! I actually just graduated with a degree in Mass Comm in June. I thought I would relax over the summer and find a great job in the fall that would be my dream job, my passion, and my calling all rolled in one. Yeah... still waiting on that to happen. I currently work, but its a boring old office job, which isnt even close to my passion. The nice thing about this job is that I make decent money and have a lot of flexibility to get the kids on the bus, go to field trips, or call in if the kids are sick. So keeping that in mind I have trouble when putting in resumes and I get mad at myself because I am not doing what I love... then I feel guilty for even working at all. Ahhh... the plight of a mother!!! Anyways, I just went into way too much detail, but I wanted to say thanks for that post. I love your blog, love your writing, and your style.

[Kathy Kupferschmid]

Keep writing this "comment" over and over but I can't seem to say what I am feeling. Thank you for this post! I have been thinking so much about my soon to be 15 year old daughter and praying that I will let her be what God wants her to be and not what I think she is! Allowing her to soar and not be bound by MY own fears! She has an amazing spirit and sometimes I just don't want to let her go! So thanks for the encouragement...it was very timely!

[Stacey@ A Sort Of Fairytale]

Thank you for sharing all of this...I think it's such great advice for everyone! As a mom in my mid 30's I have had numerous "careers" because I have always followed my heart when it came to that. Unfortunately I never earned a big paycheck or fancy job title from following my heart, BUT, I have no regrets. I tried, I failed, I am still trying. Mostly though I am just grateful to be a stay ay home mom to my daughter right now (thank goodness I have a husband with good paycheck is all i can say!). I am betting once your big girl job is through you will no longer question things...the path of where you are supposed to be will be right before you. Best off all, you will be with the "punks"!

[Rebecca]

thanks for sharing 'kate.' ;) this post resonates with me in many ways. my grandfather always said "if you love what you do you will never work another day in your life." that statement rings in my mind on a daily basis also.
when i was 19 i didn't know what i wanted to be when i grew up either, i married young, waitressed for awhile & was an activity coordinator for 7 years, by the age of 26 my husband & I owned our own small business & were responsible for not just our selves, but the lives of those employed by us. how quickly i went from being the little waitress to this shop being my identity. i long to be home with my babies & to make our home a warm inviting place that i can welcome others in & minister to their needs at a moments notice, that is what i want to be ~ the giver of love & joy, and i don't think THAT is a small or common thing. and certainly not a lesser identity than being 'a business owner.' i'm tired of having nothing left to give at the end of the day. starting our business was scary, but worth it....the venture into full time farming & being a SAHM is scary, but worth it too. thanks again for sharing your heart. keep pressing on my dear. hopefully we both will be basking in the comfort of very different shoes come spring. sorry for the windy, rambling comment...i kind of like you. happy friday to you sweet friend.

[Denise]

Yes yes yes!!!! Amen sista! I wish I'd started doing what I'm doing now years ago! Be happy! Wake up excited for what the day has in store! Linger in the hugs of the munchkins. You can always adjust a lifestyle/budget, and not regret doing what you're doing that brings you joy. :) be fearless!!

[Pine Tree Home]

Great post. Life brings on on a path you didn't even know existed. I never thought I would be in the job I am today and I certainly never thought I was the DIY type either. Not be afraid of change is the best approach anyone can have because we only live this life once and better enjoy it.

[Becky @ farmgirlpaints paints]

Amen sista. At least very soon that tired Tara will get a break and be living out those dreams. Don't look back only forward friend.

[Kacey]

Soon! The hardest part (decision-making!) is behind you - now it's on to the happy stuff! Very happy for you, brave girl.

[lissa]

oh my goodness! You were made for that outfit! My sister is going through this very same thing. She feels so stuck in that business chair of hers and trying to figure it all out. Life can be a bit confusing at times, eh? And then there's me, that stay at home mama who just needs to get out of the house! That's why school is so great for me! It keeps me occupied and busy. Does that make sense? Anyway, I wish you the best during this time of some crazy decision making and I'm so proud of you for making this lovely life for your family. :)

[D'Nese]

What an awesome post! Just what I was needing to find in the right time. I struggle with this every single day. My degree is Forensic Science but here I sit in a Government Contracts field. Not my passion nor my dream. I made so many bad choices BUT reading this post got me out of my funk. I have a ton of soul searching to do. I just never know where to start. Hopefully this helps.
No matter what, be proud of yourself. You've come this far and I'm sure the road ahead is just as wonderful. Whatever it brings, I hope it provides the happiness you're looking for. Somehow, I just know it will. You've got a great spunk in that heart of yours. I look forward to reading about your journeys ahead, darling.

[Dawn Pardinas]

Simply, thanks.