I have been doing a lot of soul searching these past couple days. Wondering if the path i am going on is the correct one. The decisions I have to make soon are the right ones. If the choices I make will lead to regret?....soul searching can surely wear a girl out...
I am sure many of you can relate.
About 10 years ago I graduated college. I graduated with a degree in Communications. I graduated Magna Cum Laude. I graduated. Now what? I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life after college, but here I was with this degree, and I was suppose to be someone, I was suppose to do something great. I mean I did all that work, studied hours on end, and worked my butt off...I needed to make something of myself....
At least that is what I thought. I acquired a temp job in which the money was good at the time. I moved out and found an apartment on my own. The first time I actually lived by myself, on my own, paying my own bills. I had made it....a few weeks later, I went and got two kittens because I realized living by yourself wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. It was lonley. I worked, I did what I thought I was suppose to be doing. I had the start of a career, I paid my bills on time, and I followed the rules somewhat of being an adult.
Here I am 10 years later, sitting behind a computer desk, typing away on the keyboard in front of me as little words that make sentences creep up on the computer screen. I sit in a big office chair. I wear fancy work clothes. I go into meetings. I am accountable to someone higher up on the ladder so to speak. I make a good living. I can take care of myself. I made it.
Or so many would say.
Or would they?
Because deep down in this heart of mine, those fancy heels, the big pay check, the business card with my name and title that sit in front of me, all those things, they don't define who I really am.
Who I want to be.
Where I want to go.
If I were younger, and had the knowledge I have today, I certainly would have done things different in many areas of my life. Do I regret the choices I made, career wise? Absolutely not, because as much I don't particularly like sitting here, while the pool man makes my children breakfast and takes my oldest punk to school, i have learned a whole lot about life. About being a grown up. About what it takes to make it in a male driven occupation. This job has allowed me to buy a house, provide for my children, and make adult choices. This job made me grow up.
However, these days, I look in the mirror and I see a very tired girl, who wished she had followed the desires that filled her heart when she was younger. A girl, who grew up, and put those dreams on the back burner. These days, I second guess myself on so many levels, mostly because I want to be someone my children look up to, I want them to always remember their mommy being true to who she is. I want them to use me as an example to follow their dreams. I want them to have a Mommy who was there for them, who mended broken hearts and scratched backs on request.
These days, all I think about is being "real", being true to myself, and ditching my heels for happiness.
So what am I getting at here?
In a round about way, what I am trying to say is, if you are just out of college wondering what type of job you should obtain, or a momma being pulled in two directions between work and children, or your children are now grown and you feel like you need to redifine who you are, or you are an 18 year old girl trying to decide between becoming an accountant like your daddy or following your dreams to go to beauty school...if you are any of those, lingering amongst so many choices and can't decide what you want to be, where you feel your next step should be taken...my advice is:
Follow your heart.
Follow your passion.
Trust yourself.
Take a chance.
Take a risk.
I know typing this is easy, actually doing it is the hard part...it is a HUGE leap of faith!
However...
If you fail at least you can say you TRIED.
And damn it, there is something in TYRING, even if you fail.
The saying, "If you like what you do, you will never work a day in your life" rings through my mind constantly....watching those words hit the computer screen in front of me, motivates me...gives me strength to move forward and be the example I want my children to see. To run, jump and leap into that faith...those words give me the courage to ditch my heels for happiness...!
& get my grimy little hands on something more like this...
Yeehaw!!
Happy Friday lovelies....
{photo from my pinterest board}
p.s. I found a new desk for my loft/office/studio/grandma quarters...anything else you want to call it!
Hoping to have some photos soon...my house is a crazy mess right now...!
Dust bunnies beware, this momma has Sunday off...you will be mine! All mine.....
muwah ha ha ha ha





